Matthew Jayson Cwern

as Floor Boss

as Ritual Leader

as Narrator

as Messi (voice)

as Lieutenant John Clark Ely / Private William Wendt (voice) (as Matt Jayson)

as Leo

as Carlos

as Vinny

as George

as Charlie

as Edgar Stump

as Driton Abazi

as LAFD Liaison Bill Jenks

as Leo the Paparazzo

as Abner

as Lars Owens

as Uri

as EMT

as Arthur

as Handsome Cool Guy

as McTeer

as Antonio Blair